i don't understand myself... what i mean is that i don't get why i want to find "love".. i'm only 17.. ok i've always been that girl who just can't stop watching movies like "PS: I Love You", i even find a romance in movies where love isn't the important thing... anyways, i download music and in my head i create these stories that have to be about two people falling in "love", and then i create the problem, the people who don't want them together... and i'll i think about is finding someone for ME... i got to parties and just before i go in i say, to myself, maybe you'll find "the one" tonight... and lately it's been getting more intense and i can't find anyone to tell this to.. and that’s weird to, why can't i talk to my mom or sister?... i've told them everything about me, but this part is so hard to express to them, a few days ago i was listening to some music and talking on msn, when i started to cry, like a baby, and in my head where all the images of the movies and love songs i know, and i started to say and almost scream "what’s wrong with me?, why i'm i looking for it so much, i feel like if i don't all die", scary part was, i think i was actually talking to God. last t night i had the best dream i could ever have , it's not your typical teen dream, i was in my living room and there was this guy that got my attention immediately, he was talking to my family like if he knew them forever, i walked up to him and kissed him, he smiled back and said "i was wondering where you had gone"... wired way to talk i know... then my mom came in with a baby in her arm and handed her to me... at first i thought she must belong to an aunt of mine, but i found out she was mine!, but when i understood, i wasn't freaking out my dream didn't turn into a nightmare, i was soooo happy, i played with her, showed her off to my hole family, i didn't let her go, i kept saying "your my mine, all mine"... and just after i showed her to my sister, i said "that your aunt Andrea", my dream was over. i got up and it was 3:45am, it was dark obviously and i started to cry again!, all I wanted at that moment was to have that baby and that guy in my room with me just to see and feel them like in my dream again… when i think about the idea that i wont fine "love", you know that word is getting to me, can't they invent a new one that means the same thing!, i didn't even cry when my grandma or uncle / cousin died, but i can sob like there is no tomorrow when it comes to my future without a guy and a baby... i'm a freak aren't i ? i don't understand, i want someone who can talk to me about this! i hate that i can only write it, but not speak it, i want to tell someone who wont laugh or jug or think that i’m just being stupid and that i should get over it, i want someone who'll TALK TO ME!!!!... now this will sound strange, i want someone to love me...:(
