The beach...

FINALY!!... We went to the beach yesterday, meaning that the season of sunny, long and full of relaxation have arrived XD what could go wrong? just about every thing... ok ok, i'm exaggerating jeje, not much, just some thing here and there with the peoples living in my uncles (rented) beach house, but as long as i can go and get a tan i'm happy!
Like every perrrfect day it must come to an end, yes, but you go home to reality thinking that thanks to your good mood, at lest the next day will be calmer, sweet tranquility, etc. NOT A CHANCE! the complete opposite happens, you get up with a "good" mood, but a little, you must admit, bothered by something you can put your finger on... but still the day goes on, soon every one is up, problem is that there in the same type of mood as you. add it all together with a hint of "we have nothing to do" and your sister is a pain in the ass and just doesn’t have a filter for what she says or a radar to worn her that of what she should or shouldn’t say and when... what do you receive? Nothing, actually you lose all that you thought you had gotten from those precious moments at the beach, leaving you with that "i want to be left alone" and "i don't give a crap about YOUR problems" mood.
That how my day was... How 'bout yours?, bet not, and i'm glad for you...
so here in my room right now listening to A Rocket to the Moon, trying to recapture the feelings i had when i was close to the ocean... = )

Three long days...

First of all MARY CHRISTMAS!! well every year my family has three hectic days; the 23, when my grandpa invites all of his brothers and sisters and there sons and daters (+ there kids). the 24 we celebrate Christmas, we all had lots of fun (wired thing was we all got dressed up :P ), we ate a lot! since my close family is really big lots of food leftover.
the last day was the 25, when my family in particular gets up and goes to see my dad's side of the family, we exchange gifts and then in the afternoon we go to a party of my dad's old friends, were of course we EAT!. jajaja i'm supposed to look good for summer, but with all that’s gone on , that ain't going to happen :P
here are some pics of those days

Family...

i went shopping today with my dad. i thought, at first when he asked me if i wanted to go, that i would have a terrible time (my dad hasn't been happy or at lest that what it looked like till now), but it turned out that we had fun, looking for gifted for a few people for Christmas :)... we talked and i had a good time. believe it or not i actually talked about politics and of course my dad explained most of it so i understood XD... i usually do get alone with my dad, i mean when were alone, because right when we got home and my mom and sister joined us, the looks, the rolling of the eyes, murmured comments of "how could he buy that", etc. GRRR! my day went from high to low in 1 second.
it amazes me how i can get along great with one on one with each member of my family, but mix it up and put three together BOOM! everyone has a face that says "your wrong", "don't do that"; be careful what you say cause in this family you say something in a different tone and immediately everyone asks "are you angry?", "way r you mad?!?" and you can't explain what you really meant, there’re all mad, which makes one mad... and like i said before BOOM! the emotion went from happy to sad to unbearable tension.
So i decided that i will not speak when more then three are present (mom, dad & me, another example mom, my sis & me, etc.) and if i am one on one i'll limit my comments about there comments about other peoples or the comments about there problems to a simple "um-hum" or "oh..." or "i guess your right". (hope it will work, and reduce the tension that, i think, is making me every day lass comfortable in my home and making me stay cooped up in me room most of the day wishing i lived in another world where i belong to a family that can actually say what the mean and do what they like most, and everyone 'in time' understands) :P

Letting it all out...

Good morning! i had a need to write today earlier than before :D cause i tried to draw (nothing happened), try to forget it (couldn't) so now i'm here, with this thing inside me and no way to get it out... it's about my future, next year is my last year in school : i guess i'm scared, what if it's just like school... nobody understands me, i mean i believe in LOVE, nothing means anything without it... I WANT IT! but sadly my generation only believes in living, traveling, money, fame, etc (ok, so that's what most people want) and i know that's what everybody says, but i'm not lying, nobody want to think about "that special someone", i understand, a little :P man i contradict myself A LOT. anyways after analyzing that, i started to ask myself "i'm i choosing the right thing to study?" i'm i going to succeed in it... and since no one really thinks i'll get far in life just by taking pictures (SHIT) what will i do, it's kind of hard to believe in yourself when no one believe in you.
Something that stayed with me all this time was what my sister said, after she slept in my room "hey lore, doesn’t get up, go out side and take those weird pictures of 'nothing'; it creeps me out", in other word it just plane stupid of you...

I’m glad i got in all out, even if i don't really understand what i wrote :P, forgive me if in the end you just read "blah blah blah" but it was my moment to let go... so the rest of my day (i hope) won't be so bad.