Horoscope...

Deal with the changes going on in your life right now because they're not going anywhere -- they might even be speeding up. It's all going in the right direction, even if it doesn't seem that way.

A step or two is missing in your dating game plan. No, really -- you may have triple-checked it, but something essential isn't in there. What about having fun? Loosen up, lighten up and your mood will take a step up.

You're having a hard time reading someone -- and the problem is that it's you! If you don't know what you want, you surely can't expect anyone else to know, so do everyone a favor and get in touch with your feelings.

 --

something happened recently, by recently i mean saturday night. something that i wanted to happen, but not exactly at this point in my life, i'm going away for 3 months, so i can't really concentrate on it. i make it sound like a problem, when in fact its kind of a great, awesome, wonderful, never imagined would happen type of thing.

so you all get the gist of what this incident was. before i explain this i must make sure you all know how incredibly fucked up my luck is with guys.  there is a word i blame my lack of luck on and it is "but", why does this word always appear after ever great moment in my life (romantic wise)... examples:

• guy #1: two weeks before class ends, he tells me he likes me; but he's moving to another state this summer.
• guy #2: at the end of the year he tells me he really likes me and would love to my boyfriend, but he also likes this other girl and he just can't decide (all this after an entire year of flirting)
• guy #3: after maintaining a good relationship as friends, even though he changed colleges and kind of disappeared for a while, confessed that he had feelings for me, yes had, so i also admit this occurrence... during this going away party we stay slightly close to each other, then the obvious happened and BOOM! i remember something . yup, but i'm leaving in a week to go work for 3 months to the US..shit!

yes with this last guy the ending doesn't have to be exactly that, an ending; if i hadn’t planed on "finding" someone this summer (fantasy: stranger who falls head over heels for moa) this would be a no brainer. thank god he is the most considerate guy, he said we can see where this is going when i come home... 3 MONTHS LATER WTF! i can’t wait that long, a lot of thing can happen... he’s not even ugly, and i'm leaving for the summer, SUMMER!! if he takes off his shirt, i loose!

maybe this is the part that people say love is blinding, but for me  he is a catch. and if i don't lose him thanks to his hotness, he might get drunk at a party and another girl might kiss him and realize why i just don't want to wait the summer for. 

he told me i can do whatever i want during the summer, he said go on have fun... experience life, meet people and if i don't come back with a boyfriend, and i still want to see if this (him and me) can work, i just have to call, he'll be there.

HE EVEN GIVES ME A WAY OUT!!! 

this post really helps, you know? letting it all out. i should listen to him... like it says in my horoscope: Loosen up, lighten up and your mood will take a step up. i should just have fun this summer, and let what happens happen. 

Forgetting...

Jane Eyre & Mr Rochester

north and south john thornton and margaret haleF

pride and prejudice jane and bingley

pride and prejudice lizzy and darcy

sense and sensibility elinor and edward

last Thursday i got up, dressed myself (like always :/) ate breakfast with dad and we went off to barranco, charrillos and miraflores to take these pictures for photography class. so far the ones i took are really good, at least that what people tell me (friends and family) so i don't really believe them :P

after the 3 hour drive and walk around, my dad finally took me to eat dinner. Bembos! yumm... as i write this i can't help but want a hamburger NOW! of course i ate it with son delicious frays and a coke.
it was almost 2 pm and i had class, we were close to the campus so he dropped me off... i found some friends waiting in the cafeteria and dani, my bff, had a look on her face and i knew she had juicy details on someone that she just can't keep secret much longer. i rush over to them and say hi quickly  then we both say we have to go to the bathroom, there she blurts it out "him and her.. together for like 2 week already", just in case you don't understand, i mention the guy i like in my last post, no names; basically i talk about how i think i have slight feeling towards him, but that he might like someone else. suspicion overly confirmed, like i said, dani told me that the couple have been official for a few weeks. not facebook official, but close enough :P
as i got the news i felt like crap, i mean the feeling i had when i though he might just like her was hard, this was much more tougher to swallow.
a few days later i started to try to force myself to change my mind, by concentrating on the fact that i'm leaving for the summer and i'm going to meet a ton of people (guy overload) best part that they're from all over the world. i'll forget him soon.
then Sunday morning i got up, and you know when you have the dream you were having fresh in your mind, well that how i was. i was shocked, i had a vivid dream of Daniel :S the last guy that broke my little heart in my last year in school... god he looked good :) it made me notice that if ever he were to come bake into my life, i'd probably fall head over heel all over again.
shocking part of this little story is that right after the recap, i went on youtube and found a  new song (at least for me) by trian ft. ashley monroe - bruises... its about two people that were friends in high school  meet after 10 years and fall for each other. i know its not my story, but i can't help wonder that maybe i'll see him in the future.
and suddenly i forgot all about my this "him" that has a girlfriend :/ not even now, no feelings anymore.

on a side note: what might have helped me too was that i kind of got obsessed with Michael Fassbinder, and since i'm a big fan of romantic love story especially Jane Austen and books from that time, the movie Jane Eyre was the perfect mix... i want to find my Mr Rochester :3

Gulp...

crush print by kateleth ... found on Etsy

all this week i've been planning every last bit for my big trip to Orlando  first time on my own. my sister keeps arriving home with new stuff for me to take, like a good makeup bag, a good purse, soon she will come home with clothes (good ones haha). she's really excited for me to go, starting a little notebook full of tips, ideas and life lessons  this is for me to read on the plane. i think there is a part where everyone (family members) will sign a x-mas note, since it is the first time i will be away on holidays.

like about 3 weeks ago my friends asked me if i was going to have a bon voyage party before i go (obviously), i said i might, but i didn't really see how i was going to give myself a going away party :/... in the end my two close guy friends told me that they wanted to plan it, all i had to do was put the house and be there :) little did i know that all my huge group of pals are really good at keeping secrets, so since the day they told me they would be taking charge, i have been oblivious to the planning... even Danixa (close girlfriend of mine) is keeping her mouth shut! >:(

in other news, these are the last 2 week of classes, so you can imagine how chaotic everyone is, finishing projects or just getting started on them :S in the mist of it all i realized that i was getting really irritated with a good friend of mine. i blame myself for putting into my own head that he might like me, what can i say, i would put proof on this blog, but then he'll find out  and that i do not want to happen.

ok, so going on. when i realize that he might like me i distanced myself from him, and noticed that even after all my raving about finding a hot European guy at Disney, i might have a crush on a local guy :O not just anyone but a close friend... but as my luck never fails (it fails so much i doubt its ever near) my friend "might" like someone else, who is a doll... weird word, but i can’t describe her any other way, even though it makes her sound like if she was blonde.

this news crashed onto me on my way home from class, walking from the bus stop to my house... tears just appeared and i was like FUCK! thank god i'm leaving for the summer, i won’t have to see then till march.

Moods...

i have some time to kill before my marketing class starts. i have been a little off these days, maybe i need to get back on my prescriptions again, this makes me sound like a crazy person which i'm not. like i've said in other posts i get somewhat down in the dumps time and again.

i had to go to therapy, i highly recommend it to almost everyone, just so you can have an outlet, everyone need to let stuff out without consequences right??

so i have sort a routine when i get like this, it's just a process i go though automatically.

part 1: i stay in my room, watch boring tv for hours on end and somehow discover i am easily entertained by reality shows, last time i got like this i went through a jersey shore phase :S yup i actually wanted sth to happen between snookie and vinny.. the shame i would have if i ever spoke this out loud to my friends.

side note, just to make clear, i haven't really told my friends about this "problem" i have with my moods, just because i tried once and all they did was say "get over it, you’re in a perfect life" after that i really didn't speak of it to them... i love them to death, but i guess they don't know me as well as they think. i sometimes regret saying anything, just because they make fun of it or whenever i'm in a bad mood the y blame my depression (idiots).

part 2: after i get over the reality shows, i get obsessed with youtube, especially the vlog videos about other people’s lives. i wish i had the time and guts to live like they do. i got so shocked when i figure out they're my age, and living abroad.. i have to do this too, live on my own, separated from everybody. it sound like i want to run away, but i feel like am actually running toward sth. passed the vlogs i get into my fav British show Graham Norton, i still don't know if it’s a popular show overseas, but i laugh my ass off all the time. and then somehow i find in the recommended videos an indie band, that actually gives my days a soundtrack. 

this takes us to part 3: the music junky. a overload on indie music, get all the songs possible, add them to my iTunes and listen till i become deft to them. i have calculated the amount of song i download at this time, 80 - 85 songs :S... maybe not a lot for you, but i probably won't listen to half of them ever again. in this phase after coping then to my iPod i lay on my bed and let the playlist of recently added go on repeat. till i fall asleep around 4 pm... 

part 4: my nap, where i dream of my future life, living on my own and having real friends that actually understand me, i have friends that care and hear, but don't listen i guess. at least sth missing from our relationship. i wake up around 8, just in time for lunch (reminder the order of eating here in Peru is: breakfast, dinner, lunch). and a perfect timing for no one to notice my odd actions from the day.

this routine would go on and on till i my pill kick in and i get all happy and don't feel so down on the life i got.

oh i almost forgot, i do try to pull myself out of this mood by reading quotes, inspirational, uplifting, happy ones. i also watch ps i love you and 500 days of summer to understand that life still goes on :) and i just love them.